I am far away from my hometown for about more than five and half years; That did not come from my choice. Nightmares came nights and the nights after even though I used to act carefully such as writing by my nick name or asking about people that I was going to meet them. thus, I forced to leave my family, friends and my love: my country, Iran. The day I decided to left my country was sad, fearful and hopeful as well.

It was sad while I left my family. When they need I to play as a son and or a brother role for them, I am not there. I remember a day my sister talk about issues that I could fix it, but I hang up because I could not stop crying. It was unhappy when I need them as well. For example, I was sick and I could not ate for two day, but I knew I can eat if my mother bring a sup. I could image these sad days coming, so I got down, and I scared of it.

Cheapest way what I could find a safe place to call new home was been refugee in second country, so it was fearful because my future in Turkey as a refugee and third country, which I was not allow to choice it, was dark. Turkey is a Islamic country even by secular reign the people and government there are believing to Islamic verdicts. there is several report of homophobia at Turkey. Also as a migrant is hard to survive myself while I could not talk in those countries languages. That was a afraid movement what I done it with all my hope to have future.

Left my country to make my life at a peace and free land was the positive side of my refugee time. Picture of coming out in school, at work and even front of strangers have been sweet part of this piece of chocolate on my life. I might see the colour more than taste cause people remember pictures more than taste, but how about take a piece of quite at my hometown? is that fair for finding a safe place I was force to left my love: my Iran?

In North America, Thanksgiving traditional is have being with family as Christmas Eve, and in Iran Yalda Night has same traditional as well. these days was coming Continuous. In Canada, Thanksgiving was October 9th and In US was November 23rd. Yalda Night was December 21st, and Christmas Eve same as every years. After the US Thanks giving I got a worst infection that I never passed sickness like that. as I mention it, I could not ate any food and even drink. I start crying like a baby and wants my mother. I start asking from that day until Yalda Night: why I can not to go at my hometown for just visit my family? On the Christmas Eve got worse and I keep asking while I watching beautiful moments of soldier who back home after while and crying. A similar: love country, but a big different: fight outside of country for inside.